It's Saturday

Less than six hours until my tattoo session and I'm getting more nervous. I don't know why really just that I am. I know it's going to hurt, it's one of the reasons why I like getting tattoos; a form of pain I can control and I get an awesome new decoration.

Anyways I've most of the laundry already done, just need to fold and put away. I'm pondering making more coffee because lately I've been craving coffee despite the heat. I think it's a sign of my pain levels when I crave more coffee.

Honestly I am becoming more and more discouraged by my lack of progression with my TMD. The pain is coming back - hence the coffee cravings - my neck feels as if it can't support my head, chewing is becoming murderous and I can't seem to keep my shoulders down where they belong.

Yeah I know, whine, whine, whine but this is my life so far. Add to it since my cafeteria plan has run out I can't afford to pay for PT sessions on the bases I need. I would love to have more or even one massage session this year but again, at $75.00 an hour I really can't afford it. So in short I fear I am sliding back to pain levels I was about a year ago.

BUT on the up side my bite is a touch stronger, my bite is wider, my shoulders are no longer around my ears and the injections to my neck have helped with the headaches, and there is FINALLY movement in my jaw joint; so yes what I have been doing has helped immensely. And I am finally coming to terms - most reluctantly - that the pain will never go away. That I will never have a 'normal' bite and one day the TMJ will ground down to bone upon bone and when that day comes I will have to make more pain management decisions.

I do fret over my height loss, since December of '08 I have loss two and half inches. My boys are becoming taller than me much faster! lol! But the docs don't seem worried about it and why should they, they don't have to put up with it. I am certain it contributes a lot to my neck pain. But in reality what can be done? Nothing really. Surgery yes but again, insurance probably won't cover it and if it did I'd have to go out of state because New Mexico is the arm pit of medical procedures.

So there you have it, another honest to god update and now a Bale pic spam. From his upcoming movie, The Fighter with Mark Walhberg. When Bale looses weight like this he reminds me of my brother, he even looks like my brother in this movie because of the 80s style. I need to find pictures of my brother.