It hurts so much

That I don't know how to get relief any more. So let me get this out of the way.

I HATE WEARING THIS STUPID SPLINT!

Hate it.

Hate it.

Hate it!

I hate the way it feels, I hate how I have to take it out to eat, or drink anything - aside from water. I hate having to take it out because it makes you drool and its slimy and gross and I hate having to tote around the carrying case. It only makes it that much more of an innconvience to eat and/or drink anything and I'm hungry enough as it is.

It hurts to wear it, it hurts Not to wear it. It's a chore for me to remember to take my pain meds, as dumb as it sounds but it is; added to the fact if I take too much pain meds it makes me sick, so which do I do? Be pain free and sick to my stomach or suffer through pain that makes me want to DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP!

I have so many oinments for different pains and aches that it seems either my face and/or neck are constantly covered in some form of goo.

I ranted at my doc this morning finally telling him, "What is going to make this splint so ghod damn different?!" After all this is my fourth splint to wear. I want to know why should I be bothering, after all it's not him who is in pain. All he could offer is, hopefully its his method of splint adjustment that will make the difference. I can't help but think - quite bitterly right now - that's it?! I'm going through this crap yet again on the hopes that splint adjustment will make this go away?

Not to be cynical, well perhaps a great deal cynical, but:

Been there, done that, it didn't work.

So then he pulls out the big guns, which I know. I know! I know the spheel about how surgery is the absolute last resort and again its never a possible solution and that in fact it could make matters worse. Added to these facts there are no surgens in New Mexico who will touch TMJ surgery with a two hundred foot cattle prod. So EVEN if surgery is my last resort I will have to travel out of state to have it done. PLUS chances are, insurance will not cover it.

So ya Raven's view of life right now is this:

The Pain Is Never Going to Stop, no matter what.

Have you any idea how bleak this prospect is right now. You want a glimpse into my world. Have you ever eaten a piece of food that required so much chewing that you finally gave up and spit it out? Do you recall how tired your jaw was afterwards? This is how my jaw feels all the time and it only gets worse when I try to eat. I can't bite, I have to cut all my food into small pieces. I can chew yes, there is a difference between biting and chewing; for example: You bite into a sandwich then you chew it.

Now before you start making suggestions as to what you think might help, I am latcose intolerant which means NO I cannot drink smoothies or shakes or yogert. I can't eat anything that belongs to the lettuce family because it as bad as consuming dairy products, it simply makes me ill.

I have done and am doing Physical Therapy, I am doing hot/cold packs, I am applying oinemnts from numbing gels to gels that have a bit of pain killers in them to anti-inflamatory gels. I have done acupunture, TENS, spray/stretch therapy and massage. I even managed to gather up my courage to try a chiropractor but I can't stand the pressure of anyone touching my face, jaw or neck.

So yes, I didn't feel guilty for snapping at my doc this morning wanting to know WHY this time its going to be different. All he can kept telling me is, Don't Give up.

Right now I simply do not see any relief ever from this pain and its awfully depressing.