I should be so lucky

That Judy comes home miffed because I did her laundry.

In fact I'd welcome the scowling looks for it would mean she survived yet another hospitalization. She's done so much for us and our boys I figured the very least I could do is her laundry and scrub her bathrooms.

I don't feel the cold hand of death just yet but how much more can one person endure. Seriously, the human body can only take so much before it will give out.

Give the woman a break.

Let her rest, allow her to leave her house not teathered to an oxygen hose, let her feel her freedom isn't measured by how long one O2 tank can last on 4L. Give her hope she'll live long enough to see my boys graduate from Highschool. This is what I want, for her to have a break.

What I don't want is to be called upon to make that decision on whether or not she shoud live because she has slipped into a state where she can't make coherant decisions on her own.

Isn't it enough she's survived this cancer 10 years. That she's lost one of her breasts to live. That her veins are so scarred from so many treatments that not even a central line is viable. That her immune system can't even fight off a simple cold that we all complain makes us feel miserable. That the spread of the cancer from her breast to liver, to stomach, bowels and now her lungs isn't enough. That the tumors that have appeared in not only her spine, ribs and hips as well are not enough already?

Give the woman a break. Has she not raised enough young ones, taught them, guided them, given them a home and shelter when they were tossed out of thier own homes. Has she not earned a damn break! No Judy does not need to have Staph infection as well to wear her futher down. Let the lady breath, let her be pain free if for a day.

Doing her laundry and being scowled at for the effort will be more than enough reward for me, just so long as she comes home to "chew me out" personally for doing so.

Sorry, I'm just feeling despondent and I can't say these things around Judy or the boys. I'll be better come tomorrow.